After 5 weeks traveling through my sunburned country, last Tuesday I stood at the check-in for the first of three flights from my home in Australia back to my other home in Berlin. I handed my bag in and the woman behind the counter offered to check my bag all the way through. I felt relieved. As much as I am good at working under pressure, I was aware that it was going to be tight in Singapore if there was even the slightest delay. Arriving in Berlin 24 hours later, I stood at the baggage carousel. And I stood. And I waited… until the carousel was no longer moving and then I made my way to the lost baggage area. The man there remarked with surprise that I was very relaxed for a woman who had just lost her bag. I asked him whether it mattered that I was a woman. He said for most women absolutelyeverything in their bag was of utmost importance. I said, “well aren’t we lucky I am not most women”. I continued to say that, considering the distances I travel each year, it was statistically about time that I lost my bag again.
My partner had come back to me shortly before Christmas, swearing he was back for good, that he didn’t want to be in this life without me. My partner disappeared again shortly after Christmas. I returned from a business trip to find our house dark, his toothbrush and backpack gone, his bags packed. Newly and (again) entirely unexpectedly single, I have recently devoted a lot of time to reconsidering how I go about chasing things that I want and ensuring that I get them, I have become more consequential with my thought processes and the messages that I send out to the Universe, other people, and myself. I decided to play with that concept more and focus on my bag.
I focussed on it arriving by 0930 on Friday morning. I envisaged my little bag in Singapore fraternizing with other orphaned bags. I saw everything in my bag and decided that it need to come back to me. The next day, I envisaged my little bag in a luggage hold on its way home to me. I pictured it changing flights. I pictured it landing. I kept checking back on the website which continued to inform me that they had still not even located my bag. At 7am on Friday, I checked one more time. As I pressed enter to call up my case number, my phone rang: My bag was in Berlin and would be delivered between 0930 and 1030 that morning. I looked back at the website: “we are still trying to locate your luggage”. I smiled.
This morning, I was sitting in a sun-filled Café in East Berlin. The new spring sun had brought out all the happy families, the couples swinging from each others arms, kissing under dappled light in parks. Congratulating myself that I had neatly avoided Winter by being in Australia, I also cursed that I had to be back in time to watch this spring-inspired sachrine display of love and not try and resent everyone else for having it. I caught myself casing the café for people who could potentially decide to talk to me, who I may meet. I mentally slapped myself on the wrist, asking myself sternly, “How desperate are you?!”. I cowered from answering myself. I knew that I needed to be more consequential in deciding what I wanted in a partner (despite my deep love for him, my last choice was obviously not the person I had believed him to be). I thought of my suitcase.
When I lost my suitcase, I didn’t send out my desire to get it back and then go and look at other suitcases. I didn’t look up every time I heard suitcase wheels to see whether it was my suitcase. No, I had pictured what I wanted, I gave it a deadline, I saw it on its way to me, I let go and I tried having faith that it was on its way. And my suitcase arrived. It really is that simple. So I’m done looking. Otherwise, I will constantly be finding suitcases full of clothes that aren’t mine or don’t fit, or are full of someone else’s memories. Instead, I am going to focus on exactly what it is that I want and have faith that it is on its way to me.
So thanks to Jetstar and British Airways for sending my little bag on an exploratory solo journey for three days and then home again. It has helped me more than you will ever know!